so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
