I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
3 2 1 whiskey
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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