if you like me you must not know who I am
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
