i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
