the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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