He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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