why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
