i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
