I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
