I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
