So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
