Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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