do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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