whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
