I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
