My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
