The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A bitchslap is in order.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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