I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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