I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
