piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
