the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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