i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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