He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
