I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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