she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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