who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
