too bad you live with your parents still
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
