We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
