I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
