When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
