It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
