Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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