I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
