Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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