proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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