I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
