Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
