I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
