So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
