There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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