Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
