I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
