You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
