The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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