Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
