Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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