Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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