Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
