I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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