Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
