the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
