Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
