i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
